Concept cover art

posted May 21, 2017, 5:10 PM by Chris Ledoux   [ updated May 21, 2017, 5:12 PM ]

Head over to the Burnt Sunset Series tab and Wayfarer Dawning Series tab to view concept cover art for novels 2-6.

79 Things I know about the apocalypse.

posted May 17, 2017, 3:25 PM by Chris Ledoux

71.The mad scientist’s beautiful daughter will always be the mad scientist’s beautiful daughter. If you are hero-boy, under no circumstance can you kill Dr. Deranged. He has to die by his own hand as the result of one of his schemes. Otherwise you lose the girl.

72. On the other hand, if you are heroine-girl, feel free to kill hero-boy’s evil queen-mother. He’ll thank you for it.

73.So, President Tom Brady retires as post-apocalyptic president. He’s immortal but he’s tired and bored. Since he already re-fired the sun and set the moon back into orbit, what else is there for him to do. Vice President Dave Grohl likes being VP so he’s not running for President. Plus, VP gives him more time to learn the piano. Who do you turn to? Hayley Williams of Paramore.

74.In the post-apocalyptic world, there’s a whole rainbow of sexuality. And no one cares. Liberals and conservatives alike will die when the lactose intolerant cows become self-aware and corner the cheese/beef market. And people will be just who they are or want to be. Without labels. Because of the sentient cows. And all the turkey we eat. Because it makes us sleepy.

75.While we are on the subject of equality, it’s okay for the hero-boy to be the damsel after the apocalypse. It’s exhausting being the hero. Girls expect and deserve equality. Heroine-girl can do whatever she wants whenever, especially if she kills the beaver-rats.

76.I don’t want to live in a world without beer. If the world goes to hell, the first thing I’m doing after freeing the cows (cause of the whole rainbow of sexuality thing) is go questing for beer. Not every post-apocalyptic mission needs to be about food or guns. Eventually you have to go seeking for beer or FHP. Otherwise, you’ve just lived a very boring end.

77.Don’t gawk. You see the meteor, giant robot or T-Rex. Run. Run. Are you stupid? Run man, run. Don’t get caught gawking. Here’s how to prep yourself for any surprise. Start at a country club. (Before the apocalypse.) A fancy kind with a golf course and tennis courts. With club pros and rich people. Now walk into the locker room. Look around. See all the naked old people? You can’t take that back. All sorts of stretchy saggy things. How long did you gawk for? Kind of wanted to exit the locker room super-fast, right? Now see that robot? Imagine it’s a naked old person apocalypse. Run stupid. Run.

78.Every choice between life and death takes a little piece of you away. That’s why there are no heroes or heroines in the apocalypse. After a while you end up with a lot of anti-heroes/anti-heroines. Everything becomes a gray choice. Eventually all choices are black. There are no more lines to cross. No more white hats. And when all choices are black choices, evil choices, no one is special anymore. That’s when the lactose intolerant cows form an alliance with the beaver-rats and mankind is overcome.

79.  So, you survived the dentist revolt, the lactose intolerant cows, swine flu, bird flu, the beaver-rat plague and the march of the naked old people, what now? Breath. Wait. Something will go wrong by supper time.

79 Things I know about the apocalypse.

posted May 17, 2017, 3:17 PM by Chris Ledoux   [ updated May 18, 2017, 1:16 PM ]

61. You’ve made up your mind not to eat your dog. It wasn’t easy but that’s it -the line you won’t cross. Problem is Summer the yellow labrador retriever keeps eating all your food. Guess what. She can eat the bones and organs of that squirrel you just roasted. I wouldn’t recommend it pre-apocalypse but after the crap-fest hits let her have at.

62. Walk the trails: utility right of ways, abandoned rail road tracks, ATV/snowmobile trails and bike trails. Find out what’s out there. Plan an escape route that doesn’t involve your car.

63. So, you get captured by the New World Order. But they’re always on the lookout for a smart sixteen-year-old teen so they decide to keep you. And feed you. And give you a fancy new skintight white or black outfit. That’s okay. You should just say thanks and join the bad guys.

64. Speaking of white or black outfits. How about charcoal or gray? It’s okay to be gray. And I’m not talking about matching jump suits for your group of wasteland roamers. It’s okay to bend the rules a little and relax the moral code after the apocalypse. Sooner or later if you wear the figurative white hat, it’s going to get dirty. Why not start out a little dirty. Make tough decisions early and often. Little Jimmy can’t walk with that bum ankle? Screw him. Leave him. How did you know he needed the whisky to sterilize that infection on his foot.

65. You’re going to half to pick. Sooner or later. It will be like a choice between husband/wife or son/daughter. Be honest with your mate. Make a deal. Agree to save the kids first. It’ll make the choice easier when it’s before you. Have a predetermined list of who you’ll save.

66. Maybe you’re the one that supposed to die. Or not. Know when it’s time for you to make the ultimate sacrifice. Remember if your mate can’t carry your boy Jimmy over the mountain range to safety, maybe it’s better your mate dies fending off the beaver-rats while you and Jimmy live.

67. Forget Vice President Shaq. Okay don’t forget him. Maybe he dies heroically fighting off Barkley’s army of zombie toddlers. But then we need a new vice president. I want Dave Grohl as a post-apocalyptic VP. Remember, Tom Brady is still the president. Cause he’s immortal.

68. Engineers. Awesome am I right? Every group needs a Professor from Gilligan’s Island.

69. Spoiler Alert! They all die at the end. Or most of them. Don’t be one of “them”. Be willing to be flexible in your code. If you are not flexible in your code, plan on dying at the beginning. A friend of mine once said, “When the bombs start dropping, I hope one hits my house first.” Nobody bombs the countryside, so if you don’t want to survive the apocalypse, move to the city.

70. Duct tape. You’ll need it. You could even use it to tape Jimmy’s bum ankle.

79 Things I know about the apocalypse.

posted May 17, 2017, 3:15 PM by Chris Ledoux   [ updated May 17, 2017, 3:22 PM ]

51. So, fish is the worst, right? Well there ain’t no hamburgers after the apocalypse. Learn to love what you hate to eat, right now.

52. You find a jug of Jack Daniels… Do you party like it’s 1999, put it with the med kit to sterilize that wound little Jimmy’s going to get next week or do you light the torches? Here’s a hint. Never light a fire after the apocalypse. Probably should save it for Jimmy even if his post-apocalyptic name is the worst. Except liquid and glass are heavy. Also, why take a chance at breaking the bottle? Drink it now.

53. Don’t burn that newspaper. Put it in your pants. Paper has surprising insulation value. You’ll need it when the ice age comes.

54. Ready to eat your dog yet? Don’t do it. There are other uses for the post-apocalyptic pooch. Like snake killer. Make sure she has a bandana, too. That’s a prerequisite for dogs in the wasteland.

55. Ten minutes to the big wave or the fire storm or the earth quake. You’ve got shelter and it takes five minutes to get there. What do you grab besides your family and food? Assume they are safely stashed away. Assume also that your dog counts as family or food. Pick 5 things. Also, you don’t have to pick water, because you’ve already taught yourself how to recycle your pee. I’m taking a knife, gun, phone, beer and beer.

56. So, the end of the world is already pretty much planned and the New World Order gassed the population into submission. So, it’s like no big deal that an asteroid will hit next month. Everybody is calm. C-A-L-M. But you’ve never been too… It’s your last trip, where do you go? Money is no object and nowhere will be safe once the asteroid enters the atmosphere. I’m going to ATT stadium to see the Dallas Cowboys.

57. Still got your dead wife’s wedding ring around your neck after the mutant sand flees ate her? Let go and move on. You need to after the apocalypse. Memories are a distraction and someone will shoot you with a poison dart when you are gazing off into the sunset with that montage running through your head.

58. You’ve been holding your post-apocalyptic crap for like three months and you find a bathroom. Thank God, right? Don’t do it. Don’t even think it. Zombie toilet beaver-rats can live off poo, but they prefer a nice piece of ass. You should always avoid bathrooms at the end of the world.

59.  So, you still really want a cool post-apocalyptic weapon. All the bullets have run out and everyone one’s got swords or bows. Yep. You’ve already been told all about axes sticking and sticks breaking. But you need some weapon bling to separate yourself from the typical wasteland roamer. Because your special. Don’t do it. Stick with the sword or at worst the bow.

60. It’s the real deal. The world as we know it is gone. There’s no Cheez-Its or Coke and the Beer Riots destroyed all the breweries. Your dog is dead. So is your mom, dad and your girl/boyfriend. Sucks big time, right? Time to go out and sing or dance. Or laugh, even if there’s a little Leslie Arzt behind your ear. Lighten up. You’ll be dead soon. Why you need to chill and smile once in a while at the end.

79 Things I know about the apocalypse.

posted May 17, 2017, 5:42 AM by Chris Ledoux   [ updated May 17, 2017, 10:15 AM ]

41. I can’t overstate the importance of good goggles or sun glasses in the apocalypse. Find a bunch. Make sure they are shatterproof and hide them everywhere.

42. So, you’ve got his awesome super lightweight tent, Gortex jacket, North Face fleece, orange backpack and waterproof hiking boots. You’re going to last like ten minutes before they kill you. Grab some dirt and a knife and mess that gear up. You’ve got good stuff and people are going to want it.

43.  So, you’re bald and the post-apocalypse is really sunny. How do you protect your head when your hat blows away? Mud.

44. You’re living in one of those post-apocalyptic worlds where it’s one extreme or another. Think Tatooine or Waterworld. Is it even worth trying? Here’s a hint, die sooner rather than later. BTW. Radiation World sucks too. You should know when the post-apocalyptic world just isn’t right for you.

45. Babies. Yep I’m going there. Should you raise a child after the fall? Remember before you answer, babies are like veal for cannibals. So, I’d say no. Not until the dentist revolt is brought under control.

46. Which mutant (DC or Marvel) would be the best post-apocalyptic companion? Let’s assume you’ve already happily got a mate and you are choosing a sidekick. Sorry aliens (like Superman) are off the table. Honestly, I’m tired of Spiderman and I have been for a while. But I can’t get enough Wolverine. Logan get in the Jeep.

47. The post-apocalyptic love triangle. Know the signs and when to get out.

48. Ever met anyone named Jim after the apocalypse? Why does everyone get really cool names when the world ends? I’m choosing Wayfarer.

49. Ever eaten pizza left over night on the coffee table? Come morning, you’re hungry and starting to wonder if the dog licked the cheese. But you’re real hungry so you eat the pizza anyway and you end up with this weird feeling in your gut, like shame, anxiety and acid-reflux rolled into one. That’s pretty much what every meal is like after the apocalypse.

50.  Slave, mentor, hero, anti-hero, mad scientist’s beautiful daughter, funny sidekick, guy with the red shirt who dies real quick, full on crazy, oracle, damsel or waif? Which role is best for you when the world turns upside down? How do you know who you really are? My post-apocalyptic world is YA Dystopian, so that makes me, mentor or red shirt.

79 Things I know about the apocalypse.

posted May 16, 2017, 10:31 AM by Chris Ledoux   [ updated May 17, 2017, 10:16 AM ]

31.  Somebody already chewed that meat, should I eat it anyway? Yes, you shouldn’t pass on the protein.

32.  Vomit, blood, piss and sweat. It’s everywhere in the post-apocalyptic world. Get over your fear of bodily fluids.

33.  Get used to crap too. At some point, just before you eat your dog, you’ll wonder if it’s okay to eat your dog’s poo.

34.  You can distill and purify piss. Yep. Because you’ll be wondering about that one too.

35.  So, you’ve got voices in your head. Should you just listen or join the conversation? Maybe your subconscious is warning you about your new post-apocalyptic buddy. Or maybe you are going crazy.

36.  Cave painting and tree carving will be the new post-apocalyptic Facebook.

37.  Never light a fire in the dark or during the day after the apocalypse.

38.  So, how do I cook my meat? Walk really far south and dry the meat on rocks.

39.  Don’t worry, meats going to run out real quick anyway.

40.  At some point, some idiot in the post-apocalyptic world decides to eat someone’s arm.  Do cannibals’ hands really shake? Yes. That’s practical advice for spotting the freaks in the desert wasteland.

79 Things I know about the apocalypse.

posted May 15, 2017, 12:01 PM by Chris Ledoux   [ updated May 17, 2017, 10:17 AM ]

21.   Run for the mountain cabin or the marina? I’ll give you a hint, it’s going to suck when you run out of gas.

22.   We just got settled and I’m finally healed up. Why would you burn the cabin? Now they’re going to know where we are. Guess I’m going to have to go back into town to kill the bad guy and his army of soldiers all by myself. Don’t let your post-apocalyptic mate go crazy on you and make you do stupid too.

23.   How come when you’re in the apocalypse, no one says apocalypse? Cause the word is too hard to spell and say. We need a new word for apocalypse.

24.   How come everyone needs their own unique weapons? When the Zombies attack, I’m passing out swords. Sticks break and axes get stuck. And don’t even get me started on pitch forks.

25.   How may pairs of socks do you need at minimum to survive the apocalypse? Three: one on your feet, a spare for your hands and a third drying on your neck.

26.   So, your wife sends you out for FHP. You find lots of FHP but you also find lots of beer too. You can only take one or the other. What do you do? Or… So, your husband send you out for beer. You find lots of beer but you also find lots of FHP too. You can only take one or the other. What do you do? You always take the FHP. Cause it is currency and lightweight. Then you can pay someone to go get the beer.

27.   Whip or torch, assuming you can’t ask Indy, which one would you choose to battle a herd of zombie house cats? The whip cause you’re in a house.

28.   It’s a good thing those plastic shopping bags didn’t degrade, because we’re going to need them after the apocalypse. Water proof boot liners are just one of the uses for our second favorite environmental whipping boy.

29.   Would Tom Petty and Bill Murray really survive the apocalypse? Yes.

30.  Tree bark. It’s not just for trees. Strip the inner bark and cook it like chips.

79 Things I know about the apocalypse.

posted May 14, 2017, 4:39 AM by Chris Ledoux   [ updated May 17, 2017, 10:17 AM ]

11.  The benefits of global warming, include my soon to be beach front home. The sea level will rise and wipe out my neighbors between me and the ocean about a mile away.

12.  Post-apocalyptic currency, FHP (feminine hygiene product) or toilet paper? Both. I’m thinking toilet paper will be like 20’s where tampons will be more like 100’s.

13.  Jerky and saltines, perfect for life on the road. Keep them in your purse so you don’t have to eat your Pradas or your bedazzled belt.

14.  Hanging towels don’t matter anymore. Let them fall right to the bathroom floor. Leave them. With your dirty laundry scattered everywhere. You should live like the apocalypse is around the corner and convince your mate to join your mad little party.

15.  Post-apocalyptic diarrhea. What can be done about it in the wild? Apparently, blackberry root tea works. So, does a charcoal smoothie.

16.  Sleep with your boots on. Sure, your feet are hot and sweaty. Leave them boots on man. Even when you’re getting it on. Leave them boots on.

17.  Don’t go in the closet. At a minimum, they’ll be rats. Most likely even a hung body.

18.  It’s important to keep your underwear clean even when the world is going to hell.

19.  Sand flees. How come they get to live but my sister and dog died? It’s impossible to know who gets to survive after the apocalypse. Accept it.

20.  Solar phone chargers. Hide them lots of them. Because even when the cell towers and electricity fail, you’ll still want your pictures, contact list and music.

79 Things I know about the apocalypse.

posted May 13, 2017, 5:21 PM by Chris Ledoux   [ updated May 17, 2017, 10:18 AM ]

1.    If all the pigs died in a swine flu apocalypse, I wouldn’t want to live in a world without bacon. I doubt there’d be any fake bacon either. The chickens and turkeys probably die too. Because of the bird flu. That’s just not a world for me.

2.    The apocalypse has decimated your family, friends and country. Pretty much it’s just teens running around trying to rule the world. But you’re still brooding. Enough angst already, it’s the real deal.

3.    Best dog to survive the apocalypse. Labrador retrievers of course.

4.    Tom Brady is the best ever and he should he lead the country after the apocalypse. Assuming we all can agree on President Tom, let me tell you why we need Shaquille O’Neil as our vice president. He’s larger than life. And he’s got all that Icy Hot cream to dull the pain of lugging our stuff all over the place.

5.    Pack your bug out bag now. Put practical stuff in a backpack near the door or in the car. Knives are great but you may want to consider TP.

6.    Aragorn, Han Solo or Katniss? Who do you want as your bug out buddy? Assuming, there’s no blasters, I’m still taking Han Solo. Man crush. I’d take Jason Bourne/Matt Damon too if he was available.

7.    The little three pigs. That’s the original apocalyptic story.

8.    Soundtrack to panic: Foo Fighters, Paramore and Ed Sheeran. Sure, the Foos and Hayley will give you the boost you need to get the hell out of town, but at some point, you’ve got to calm down, that’s why you need Ed or some JT at the end.

9.    Calvin and Hobbs have a lot to teach us about the apocalypse. Friends for the end.

10. Coke or Coffee, which will you miss more? Might want to consider giving them up anyway once all the dentists are gone. Acid enamel wear is going to suck when all the Sensodyne runs out. BTW. It was a dentist apocalypse. They rose up and the government fed them to the rampant beaver population.

Sample Pages

posted May 2, 2017, 10:07 AM by Chris Ledoux   [ updated May 8, 2017, 7:34 PM ]

See new tab for sample pages.

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