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79 Things I know about the apocalypse.

posted May 15, 2017, 12:01 PM by Chris Ledoux   [ updated May 17, 2017, 10:17 AM ]

21.   Run for the mountain cabin or the marina? I’ll give you a hint, it’s going to suck when you run out of gas.

22.   We just got settled and I’m finally healed up. Why would you burn the cabin? Now they’re going to know where we are. Guess I’m going to have to go back into town to kill the bad guy and his army of soldiers all by myself. Don’t let your post-apocalyptic mate go crazy on you and make you do stupid too.

23.   How come when you’re in the apocalypse, no one says apocalypse? Cause the word is too hard to spell and say. We need a new word for apocalypse.

24.   How come everyone needs their own unique weapons? When the Zombies attack, I’m passing out swords. Sticks break and axes get stuck. And don’t even get me started on pitch forks.

25.   How may pairs of socks do you need at minimum to survive the apocalypse? Three: one on your feet, a spare for your hands and a third drying on your neck.

26.   So, your wife sends you out for FHP. You find lots of FHP but you also find lots of beer too. You can only take one or the other. What do you do? Or… So, your husband send you out for beer. You find lots of beer but you also find lots of FHP too. You can only take one or the other. What do you do? You always take the FHP. Cause it is currency and lightweight. Then you can pay someone to go get the beer.

27.   Whip or torch, assuming you can’t ask Indy, which one would you choose to battle a herd of zombie house cats? The whip cause you’re in a house.

28.   It’s a good thing those plastic shopping bags didn’t degrade, because we’re going to need them after the apocalypse. Water proof boot liners are just one of the uses for our second favorite environmental whipping boy.

29.   Would Tom Petty and Bill Murray really survive the apocalypse? Yes.

30.  Tree bark. It’s not just for trees. Strip the inner bark and cook it like chips.