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79 Things I know about the apocalypse.

posted May 17, 2017, 5:42 AM by Chris Ledoux   [ updated May 17, 2017, 10:15 AM ]

41. I can’t overstate the importance of good goggles or sun glasses in the apocalypse. Find a bunch. Make sure they are shatterproof and hide them everywhere.

42. So, you’ve got his awesome super lightweight tent, Gortex jacket, North Face fleece, orange backpack and waterproof hiking boots. You’re going to last like ten minutes before they kill you. Grab some dirt and a knife and mess that gear up. You’ve got good stuff and people are going to want it.

43.  So, you’re bald and the post-apocalypse is really sunny. How do you protect your head when your hat blows away? Mud.

44. You’re living in one of those post-apocalyptic worlds where it’s one extreme or another. Think Tatooine or Waterworld. Is it even worth trying? Here’s a hint, die sooner rather than later. BTW. Radiation World sucks too. You should know when the post-apocalyptic world just isn’t right for you.

45. Babies. Yep I’m going there. Should you raise a child after the fall? Remember before you answer, babies are like veal for cannibals. So, I’d say no. Not until the dentist revolt is brought under control.

46. Which mutant (DC or Marvel) would be the best post-apocalyptic companion? Let’s assume you’ve already happily got a mate and you are choosing a sidekick. Sorry aliens (like Superman) are off the table. Honestly, I’m tired of Spiderman and I have been for a while. But I can’t get enough Wolverine. Logan get in the Jeep.

47. The post-apocalyptic love triangle. Know the signs and when to get out.

48. Ever met anyone named Jim after the apocalypse? Why does everyone get really cool names when the world ends? I’m choosing Wayfarer.

49. Ever eaten pizza left over night on the coffee table? Come morning, you’re hungry and starting to wonder if the dog licked the cheese. But you’re real hungry so you eat the pizza anyway and you end up with this weird feeling in your gut, like shame, anxiety and acid-reflux rolled into one. That’s pretty much what every meal is like after the apocalypse.

50.  Slave, mentor, hero, anti-hero, mad scientist’s beautiful daughter, funny sidekick, guy with the red shirt who dies real quick, full on crazy, oracle, damsel or waif? Which role is best for you when the world turns upside down? How do you know who you really are? My post-apocalyptic world is YA Dystopian, so that makes me, mentor or red shirt.

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