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79 Things I know about the apocalypse.

posted May 13, 2017, 5:21 PM by Chris Ledoux   [ updated May 17, 2017, 10:18 AM ]

1.    If all the pigs died in a swine flu apocalypse, I wouldn’t want to live in a world without bacon. I doubt there’d be any fake bacon either. The chickens and turkeys probably die too. Because of the bird flu. That’s just not a world for me.

2.    The apocalypse has decimated your family, friends and country. Pretty much it’s just teens running around trying to rule the world. But you’re still brooding. Enough angst already, it’s the real deal.

3.    Best dog to survive the apocalypse. Labrador retrievers of course.

4.    Tom Brady is the best ever and he should he lead the country after the apocalypse. Assuming we all can agree on President Tom, let me tell you why we need Shaquille O’Neil as our vice president. He’s larger than life. And he’s got all that Icy Hot cream to dull the pain of lugging our stuff all over the place.

5.    Pack your bug out bag now. Put practical stuff in a backpack near the door or in the car. Knives are great but you may want to consider TP.

6.    Aragorn, Han Solo or Katniss? Who do you want as your bug out buddy? Assuming, there’s no blasters, I’m still taking Han Solo. Man crush. I’d take Jason Bourne/Matt Damon too if he was available.

7.    The little three pigs. That’s the original apocalyptic story.

8.    Soundtrack to panic: Foo Fighters, Paramore and Ed Sheeran. Sure, the Foos and Hayley will give you the boost you need to get the hell out of town, but at some point, you’ve got to calm down, that’s why you need Ed or some JT at the end.

9.    Calvin and Hobbs have a lot to teach us about the apocalypse. Friends for the end.

10. Coke or Coffee, which will you miss more? Might want to consider giving them up anyway once all the dentists are gone. Acid enamel wear is going to suck when all the Sensodyne runs out. BTW. It was a dentist apocalypse. They rose up and the government fed them to the rampant beaver population.