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79 Things I know about the apocalypse.

posted May 14, 2017, 4:39 AM by Chris Ledoux   [ updated May 17, 2017, 10:17 AM ]

11.  The benefits of global warming, include my soon to be beach front home. The sea level will rise and wipe out my neighbors between me and the ocean about a mile away.

12.  Post-apocalyptic currency, FHP (feminine hygiene product) or toilet paper? Both. I’m thinking toilet paper will be like 20’s where tampons will be more like 100’s.

13.  Jerky and saltines, perfect for life on the road. Keep them in your purse so you don’t have to eat your Pradas or your bedazzled belt.

14.  Hanging towels don’t matter anymore. Let them fall right to the bathroom floor. Leave them. With your dirty laundry scattered everywhere. You should live like the apocalypse is around the corner and convince your mate to join your mad little party.

15.  Post-apocalyptic diarrhea. What can be done about it in the wild? Apparently, blackberry root tea works. So, does a charcoal smoothie.

16.  Sleep with your boots on. Sure, your feet are hot and sweaty. Leave them boots on man. Even when you’re getting it on. Leave them boots on.

17.  Don’t go in the closet. At a minimum, they’ll be rats. Most likely even a hung body.

18.  It’s important to keep your underwear clean even when the world is going to hell.

19.  Sand flees. How come they get to live but my sister and dog died? It’s impossible to know who gets to survive after the apocalypse. Accept it.

20.  Solar phone chargers. Hide them lots of them. Because even when the cell towers and electricity fail, you’ll still want your pictures, contact list and music.

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